[00:00:00] Welcome back to your listeners, to the Waiting Warriors podcast, the show that brings you inspiring stories, meaningful conversations, and heartfelt insights from military spouses and significant others. It’s been a while as many of you know. It’s been a challenging couple of years for me. Life took a very unexpected turn and our son James was stillborn and I had to take a step back to heal, grieve, and find my way through the storm.

I am excited to bring this podcast back and I have plans to make it even better than before I have done. Well, I had done a dozen or so interviews before we lost James, and since the guests and the content were so good, I can’t not publish them. But for my mental health, I’m not going to edit them the same as I [00:01:00] normally would.

So please forgive any mistakes, any little weird things, but I am excited for you to hear these amazing military spouses and then season two of the Waiting Warriors podcast will be coming shortly. Enjoy the interview.

Hey, waiting Warriors. Welcome to another Waiting Warriors podcast. I’m your host, Michelle Bowler, and this week we have a special guest. Welcome to the show, Makayla. Thank you so much for having me. I’m really excited to be here. I’m excited to have you. This has been a long time coming. We have had, yes. So many.

We’ve both had to reschedule a few times ’cause of various things, so I’m excited that we’re finally making this happen. Me too. So McKayla is a life coach and an entrepreneur. She has three kids and her husband has been in active duty Air Force for 19 years. So you’ve, [00:02:00] you’ve been around the block in many, many ways.

Yeah. And we’re gonna talk today about how to navigate the intense uncertainties of military spouse life because. I don’t, I mean, if you say that you have everything figured out in life and like you know where this is going, then you’re lying. And I just

say good luck. Even though like I love it when people are like, oh, but he’s gonna be doing this and then we’ll go here and then we’ll go here and then he’ll do this. And I was like, okay. I hope that works out for you. Good luck. Right, because even I was talking to my neighbor this morning and talking about how we were gonna be talking about uncertainties and she’s like, okay.

It’s even small things though with military spouse life as like as small a things as. You go to [00:03:00] your kid’s doctor’s appointment and you aren’t even sure if it’s gonna be their primary care provider or if it’s gonna be, you know, if the primary care provider had to go do some mission and they’re not there today.

So it’s somebody else. Like it’s, it’s everything. It can be everything at least. So what kind of uncertainties have you experienced with your waiting Warrior journey? Oh boy. And so, yes, my husband has been in 19 years and it’ll be 20 this summer. Mm-hmm. I have been with him and along this ride the entire time as well as college.

So we went through, we are high school sweethearts. And one thing real quick for those that say, oh, so you knew what you were getting into. No, I did not know what I was getting into. Never, never knew what I was getting into. I had no idea what real Air Force like life was like. But some of the uncertainties that I have experienced, [00:04:00] some of the big ones are just, you know, two years ago we had an assignment to Hawaii and the movers had come and started packing up our house and we actually had.

Our first shipment on the boat to, to Hawaii and our assignment was changed no. To Rome, Italy Rome, Italy, so, you know, different sides of the world. Yeah. And so that was two weeks before we were supposed to leave for Hawaii. Wow. Yes. So that was one of the big ones. Let’s see. Of course assignments, you know, that’s like when my husband first joined, and again, like you’ve said in the beginning, we had this, oh, okay, that he’s gonna be a pilot, so we’ll do this and we’ll do that.

His career has gone nothing like we’ve ever been able to imagine. Yeah. I’d like to say that it’s gone better because even though there was. Some locations where I was like, oh, [00:05:00] I don’t know if I wanna go here. We’ve made some of the best friends that we possibly could make, so mm-hmm. The, you know, the, the uncertainties have, have been big, but, you know, ultimately at the end of the day, I think they’ve been for the, for the better.

Yeah. So, and then uncertainties with, you know, I was a public school teacher when we, when I first graduated, and I swore up and down, I would never homeschool. And pre COVID. So seven years ago I started my homeschooling journey with my kids. Mm-hmm. And that shocked me. ’cause I was like, no, I, I said I would never do this.

Yeah. And then here we are. I have a junior in high school. I have a freshman in high school and I have a fourth grader. So those are some of the big ones. I wonder, I wish we could like, make a list of the things that we said we would never do, and [00:06:00] yet now we’re, we’re doing well. One of the other things that I said I would never do growing up, my dad was gone a lot.

He wasn’t in the military, but he traveled a lot. Yeah. And so we spent a lot of time away from my dad and I was like, I’m never gonna marry someone that’s gone all the time and we’re gonna, I’m gonna, you know, grow up. My kids are gonna grow up in the same place and we’re gonna stay in this town. And that obviously didn’t happen.

So you, I would, should have learned my lesson early, early on, but if I say never, then the opposite will probably come true. Yeah. Never say never. Yes. Where, because I mean, this is like kind of a, not a philosophical, but whatever kind of question. But I only asked this because I know you’re like trained specifically with talking about this subject and military spouses, but like.

There, there is so much uncertainty, right? Like there’s the big [00:07:00] ones, you know, like your story as much as like, it makes us cringe. I think it all, it makes all of us cringe because we all know it can happen. Yeah. Right. Like, like you’re not the first person to say that. So we cringe ’cause it’s like, oh crap.

That uncertainty is in my life. Like, right. We had, we had our PCS change, but it was still. What I think we were like four months out still, four or five months out, so it’s, mm-hmm. It still was like a big change, but yeah. And we’ve had to like, cope with the, the repercussions and like, you know, those changes, but.

It still wasn’t that close, but, but then even just the little things of like, you’re uncertain of if your husband’s going to be home for the weekend or if he’s gonna be home next month or Right. You know, just those little things. So what or not what, but where [00:08:00] can uncertainties. Take us like mentally, I guess.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I, I love that question because ho honestly, uncertainty, our natural response to uncertainty is stress, anxious, anxiety, maybe even depression, overwhelm. Those are natural responses because uncertainty means that we’re out of our comfort zone. And it also means typically that.

You feel completely out of control. And although we’re all in the military life and we know that we’re not in control, there’s this element of sort of making ourselves believe that we’re in control of certain situations. And so when change and transition and uncertainty are taking place. The typical response is, oh my gosh, I feel so out of control now.

I feel overwhelmed. I feel anxious. I feel stressed. I feel afraid. I don’t even know which way to turn. And then that can create problems in our relationship that can create you [00:09:00] know, rough dynamics inside the home that can, we can push people away. We don’t know how to ask for help. You know, the military community has a strong persona, we think.

Mm-hmm. And, and I’m guilty of this too, that, oh, I can’t ask for help because so and so’s so busy. And if I reach out or if I show that I’m struggling, then that might impact my spouse’s mission. Or you know, there’s so many thoughts that go through our mind that say. You gotta weather, you’ve gotta weather this on your own, figure it out, push through and get over it.

Mm-hmm. And I am super passionate about, we don’t need to respond that way. Mm-hmm. Although we can’t always plan for the next situation, we can have the tools, resources community, the support and the encouragement to. Make it through those uncertainties without it derailing us, without it [00:10:00] knocking us off the feet, off our feet and falling, you know, feeling those overwhelmed stress and, and anxious thoughts.

Yeah. That’s so much more hopeful than what the narrative typically is in our community, because typically it is just, you know, even from the most positive people, like it’s. We don’t have control or it is uncertain and it’s like, yes, we still have the attitude of like, but we can handle it. Yeah. But I, I kind of like, you’re, you’re just kind of like, I feel like the next step to we can handle it.

It’s like we can handle it because we’re gonna set up ourselves up with the tools and the community and all that, and it like, it kind of gives me, it gives me the certainty and the security. The, because I can see a little bit of how all cope, do you know, do you Right? Yeah. When you surround yourself with people that you feel [00:11:00] safe around to reach out and you feel like you’re not putting them out and they create this, you know, help you create this environment to say.

I’m there regardless. Like, for example, another big uncertainty that we’ve been through is my husband had just gotten back from a deployment. This was a few years ago now, but he had just gotten back from a deployment six months earlier, got flagged for a no notice deployment. I had just found out I was pregnant with my third child and he was only supposed to be gone for max 30 days because it was kind of a, an emergency thing.

He was going to go take care of something and then come right back. Well, that 30 days turned into seven months. And. The uncertainty of like every time I talked to him, I wanted answers. I wanted to know, okay, well, you know, next month, are you coming back next month? And I was extremely sick with that pregnancy.

And I think it was a lot to do with that stress and that overwhelm that was [00:12:00] compounding with the morning sickness. It was just making it even worse with two young kids at home. And so having people there that I could call on and having the mind, the right mindset and, you know, the support and the encouragement would makes a huge difference.

Mm-hmm. But walking through that alone, and, you know, we lived in Las Vegas at the time, like you didn’t know your neighbors. There’s certain locations where you do, you know, you, you get to know your neighbors. And then there’s others where people drive in, shut the garage door and you never, you never see them.

And so I think having the proper tools and channels in place makes situations like that more manageable. Yeah, of course. There’s still, you know, it still stinks. You don’t want your husband to leave six months after he just got home, and you don’t want to, you know, if you found a house in one location and then.

The, the, the government tells you you’re going to another one and you’re like, oh man, I gotta start all over again. Those are, you know, they’re not the greatest of [00:13:00] situations, but it’s, it’s how you approach it that makes the difference. Yeah. So what are the tools that can help us navigate that better?

So we really can thrive? Well, number one, I am all about casting visions. Like, and that sounds weird ’cause not casting visions like, you know, biblical visions, but a vision for yourself, a vision for your family. What are your priorities? Mm-hmm. And then what are your goals with that and creating smart.

Specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely goals is something you’re probably thinking, well, how do you do that with so much uncertainty? Mm-hmm. Well, you can do that. And then you have to look at the obstacles. What are some of the obstacles that can come your way? Mm-hmm. And, and then how do you plan to overcome ’em?

It’s always about having a plan to overcome the obstacles. And some of the ways that you can plan to overcome those obstacles is for example, let’s, let’s take a [00:14:00] smaller, you know, uncertainty. Like you said, not, not these no notice deployments or crazy transitions with moving, but for example, I, I went back and got my master’s degree.

Recently and I had to really sit down and think, what is gonna get in the way of me doing this? And so I knew it was a goal of mine. I really wanted to do it. It was something that, that I felt led to do at this time of my life. But I knew it wasn’t gonna be easy. So setting down, setting a goal, saying, okay, how long is this gonna take me?

What am I gonna need to put into it? Like how many hours do I think I’m gonna have to put towards it? And let’s just face it, I hadn’t been back to school in 20 years, so I knew I was gonna need to put in a little few more hours than the average person because you gotta retrain that brain to think academically.

And so, and I also knew we had a move coming up, an overseas move. Those were a lot [00:15:00] of things that could have completely derailed my goal. Mm-hmm. But it took. Really good com communication with my spouse and my children, even my 9-year-old and saying, this is what mommy’s doing and this is how you could help me.

And that they feel good. They wanna help you. Yeah. And so it was communication. Having a plan, thinking about all the obstacles, and then figuring out how to overcome it. And so one of the ways my husband and I overcome these things is by having a, an expectations briefing. We literally sit down and we’re like, okay, this is what I expect from you.

This is what you expect from me. Is that realistic? Mm-hmm. And if it’s not, what do we need to, how do we need to fix this? Like what can we do to, to make it work? Yeah. I love that idea. And it’s like, I feel like it takes so much stress off [00:16:00] when you do that. ’cause I don’t, like, we’ve, we’ve kind of done that with like in a big goal of like, we’ve always had that vision of what we want our family to look like at the end of this.

Mm-hmm. Like, we want to be still be a strong family. We want a really strong marriage. Yes. And because of that, we do certain things and that means that with a move, like we have the mission or the vision, that when we move, our kids are gonna transition as well as they can. Yeah. Well the obstacles are that there’s a transition and they need some, some continuity.

So we create continuity and yes, all those kind of things. But I need to be better at bringing it into other aspects. ’cause I think I’m good at doing it like. When, when a plan is needed, because like the PCs that we were planning for, I was like, okay, well there’s a lot of potential uncertainties here because I was going to be like two [00:17:00] weeks away from delivery.

So it’s like, okay, well there’s the uncertainty of pre-labor and all that. So I, I did that. Like I wrote down all the obstacles and, and the solutions for them, but I don’t think I’ve done that for. I a lot of things like the smaller stuff, you know, even the kids. Yeah. So as a mom, we’re constantly transitioning and, and we’re in, we’re moving in and out of different seasons of life with our children.

Yeah. And for those of us that do have children of expanding across multiple ages. You’re, you’re go, you’re going into one season of life with one kid and you’re transitioning into a different season of life with another kid. Yeah. And I know you can’t sit there and write down these plans for every single one of them, right?

Yeah. I, you know, with this move too, I knew that I was gonna have a junior in high school. With that comes a lot. Uncertainty and stress and trying to figure out and, and start talking about college [00:18:00] and scholarships and how are we gonna pay for it and all of that stuff. Yeah. And so, yeah. I think the, the big thing is making priorities.

You know, I, I don’t love to do lists because I feel like they overwhelm us. Yeah. Because they could be 5 million miles long and you’re never going to get to the end. Right? Yeah. So I like making, and I, and I teach my clients how to make priority lists because not everything is an emergency. Yeah. And so that’s where one of the tools that I help.

People, women see is how, how to prioritize because we can burn at both ends and burn out really quickly because we’re constantly serving others, which is what I love to do, right? We love serving our family and supporting our family, and supporting our spouses. But sometimes it can just get to be so much that you are like, what am I supposed to be doing today?

There’s just so I like, [00:19:00] I don’t even know where to start, so I want to just curl back up into bed and do nothing. That’s, I mean, that’s my response. Yeah. I mean, I remember when my kids were little, little, little, and I was like, I don’t wanna go to bed because I know the minute I close my eyes, I have to start all over again.

And it’s not that I didn’t love what I was doing, but I was so tired. Mm-hmm. And so then I would go out, go to bed later, and then I’d pay for it the next day. Yeah. And I would, I would get caught in these cycles that were not honoring to me or to my family. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I, I just, it’s not about having a plan for every OID thing, but it’s being able to think through things in a manner mm-hmm.

That you have a positive growth mindset that you can communicate really well with your family and friends and and know that you’re gonna be supported and encouraged. Yeah. [00:20:00] Well, I think you bring up a a good point that like so often we can get, I don’t know if it’s like overwhelmed or almost like a, a tunnel vision towards.

One aspect of our life. Mm-hmm. Because as military spouses, we kind of have two, like we have, we are a spouse and most of us mothers and that whole like personal life, I. Why am I saying that? So confusing. That’s definitely the, the term, sorry. But like we have our personal life tunnel and things going on, and then there’s all this stuff that is added because of military spouse life and as you were talking about how we kind of need to do that same thing as mothers.

Like I realize that so often I’m. So [00:21:00] focused on the military spouse tunnel that I’m not doing what I could as a mother and as a spouse to make sure. I’m doing those things well and our life is, is a wheel. It’s a, you know, the wheel of Life. A lot of people have heard of that. Right. And it, and it I have an exercise that I give my clients when we first meet and they have to join the dots of, so there’s, on a scale of one to 10, where are you in your.

Relationships, where are you in your work life? Work does not mean something that you have to go to work and come back. Being a mom, being a, you know, in charge of the house is work. Mm-hmm. That’s, that’s work. And so physical, emotional, mental all, all the things that make up our life and it, it’s never round at any one given time.

Right. There’s always some area. That we need to focus on. And then when you work on that area, you can move on to the next area. And [00:22:00] but it help when you work on the one area, it impacts all the other areas. So when I’m working on my physical health. I am also, it’s also impacting my family. It’s impacting my relationships.

It’s impacting my mental health because I’m able to focus better. And if I let that go, and that was another thing when I was getting my master’s, I was very sedentary because we went, we were in Italy and we were on lockdown for three months. Couldn’t leave our apartment, couldn’t even go outside to exercise.

And I was doing a master. So I was just sitting, typing, typing, typing, reading, reading, reading. And I was having trouble focusing, I was getting short tempered with my family, and I realized as soon as I started adding in even 15, 20 minutes of just physical movement, you know, doing lunges around my apartment and jumping jacks and things like that, I was able to focus more.

So that’s just a, a small [00:23:00] example of how when you spend just a little bit of time focusing, you know, and, and honing in on something that it can impact everything else. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. That’s, yeah, I’m like internalizing all this. Okay. Okay. We can do that. Oh, I had a question. One second.

Oh. With like the wheel, is there ever one point. That or one, like one thing that you suggest people start at typically, or how, like how do people determine that? So the way that the wheel, I wish I had a picture. I could show you the way that the wheel works. So if you, let’s say. My work life, let’s say I feel like it’s at a five.

Mm-hmm. And then I feel like my family life is at a 10 and then my, well, I, [00:24:00] and let’s be real more like an eight. And then my, you know, physical life and I’m at that time of my master’s, it was like a two or a one. So you look at that and you think, okay, the closer I am to the center of the circle that’s in that given area, that’s where I need to focus first.

Okay. So, and let me give you another example. I’ve had a client that came to me and she’s like, I just, you know, my husband’s deployed. I am just started this new job. I am having to homeschool my kids because everybody’s having, you know, every, all the kids are at home. And I, I don’t even know what to do.

I don’t know where to focus. I don’t know where to start. And so we did the Wheel of Life. We started talking. I asked her lots of open-ended questions and, and and through that we realized that the job that she was in was, was creating a really big friction with her values, her core life values. And so.[00:25:00]

She actually decided to, to leave that job and it was a big, big choice. And it wasn’t something that came overnight. Like that was not a conclusion that we came to, that she came to, you know, in the matter of a day. Mm-hmm. But. We focused in on the job because that was where she was the most overwhelmed and stressed.

And then as soon as she realized, okay, this is not quite working, I just feel like I’m, I want, I want to get this out of it. And this, there, this particular job doesn’t support that. Mm-hmm. And so once she left the job, she, she, like that opened up. Her world to all the other things. And she was able to then put more focus into homeschooling the kids and then even considering creating her own business, doing a combination of things that were in harmony with her core values.

Yeah. And so that’s kind of how that works. Is it, it’s a, it’s an e evolution. It’s a process. It’s not something that we can [00:26:00] fix overnight, but our mindset. Makes all the difference in the world. So I’ll be honest, you have to want to make some changes. Like when she came to me, she thought, okay, I don’t know what the answer is, but I know I can’t keep doing what I’m doing and I just, I wanna, I wanna get unstuck.

I wanna move, move in a different direction. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Which like raises a really good question that we all have to ask ourselves is like, are we. Are we willing to change to actually get what we want or Yeah. Do we feel like we, you know, should, we should be able to get it without changing? Yeah, without changing.

Which I don’t know if somebody has discovered that secret of life, please share with the rest of us so far. Yeah. That’s not how it’s turned out for me. But again, please share, but yeah. [00:27:00] But yeah, I mean, even for me, when I decided to get my master’s and I knew that meant that I was gonna have to let go of some of the things that I do on a daily basis.

Mm-hmm. So like cooking every night or you know, just all the different. Roles and responsibilities that I had around the house, that meant I needed to ask my husband for some extra help. And I, he was more than willing to do it. I was the one with the problem. Mm-hmm. Because I felt like I was letting my family down.

I had guilt. I felt like I was asking too much of him. I, you know, all those negative thoughts and that guilt and the shame and judgment, self-judgment were I was imposing on myself and then it was. Finally after conversation, after conversation, after conversation when he’s like, why are you doing this?

And I said, well, I wanna be able to provide better services. I want to provide for our family as well. Like, I wanna have an, you know I wanna be part of [00:28:00] that. And he’s like, so your priority is your family and your, and your and the people that you surround yourself with. So your why is for others. So why do you feel guilty that you’re doing this for other people?

Like it wasn’t a selfish thing. Yes. And so once I reframed it, I was like, oh, okay. I don’t feel as bad, you know? And I was able to let go of some of the, the way things normally looked. Yeah. But I had to want that. Yeah. That’s awesome. I, I especially like, I, I know not everybody is blessed with a spouse who.

Can like, can see that and can help help us see that. But I love those stories ’cause that’s how, that’s how Austin is too. Like we’ve had similar conversations of like, you’re not being selfish, we’re just doing things differently. Yes. But for some reason in our minds. It’s connected and [00:29:00] we just gotta get off that.

Well, and I wanna say something on that, on that, when I talked earlier about the manage expectations briefing. Yeah. Like, so as soon as I graduated and I was finished, then we needed to have another conversation. Mm-hmm. And I think where so many problems occur is those unspoken expectations. We all come into a.

With backgrounds, like we, you know, we were each raised differently. Maybe my husband was raised by a single mom. Things looked very different in his house than they did in my house. Mm-hmm. My, my mom stayed home. His mom worked. So when you come and even the most menial task, right, like taking out the trash.

You come to that marriage with an expectation of who’s gonna do it. Mm-hmm. But how often do you talk about it? How often do you bring that up before you get married and say, okay, well let’s decide right now who’s gonna take out the trash? Who’s gonna be in charge of the dishes? Who’s gonna be, we come in with these unspoken expectations, and [00:30:00] then when our expectations are not met?

Problems can start happening and that, that those communication channels can break down. And so I am just such a huge proponent of, of learning how to talk to. Your spouse. Spouse in a, in an honoring way. Not a I need you to do this, I need you to do that, but in a, in a way that it works for both parties.

Yeah, yeah. Because it’s always funny because we’re always shocked that like, our spouse didn’t know what we were thinking. Right. They’re not my, as soon as I, you know, we’ll be married 19 years in June, and as soon as I figured out that he can’t read my mind. Our relationship went to the whole new level.

Yeah, I was blessed with a dad who would, like my mom was always really good at not doing that apparently. I mean, I was just a kid, but my dad always like mentioned that my mom was good at that and would. He, [00:31:00] he wouldn’t like publicly call out other people, but like he, as a teaching thing, we would talk about it as a family.

Like, yeah. One of the biggest problems I am seeing with friends and stuff is that women are expecting. Stereotypically, it’s the women. I know men do it too, but yeah, stereotypically we, we do it a lot. If he loved me, he would know or whatever. Right? So like I had that built in, but even still having that built in, like it’s just our natural, natural response.

But yeah. Yeah, I, I think that would take everything that would take, because even like when we’re handling our uncertainties and we’re figuring things out internally. Then, I mean, I know I’ve done that, like where I’ve like come up with this plan and this, this path forward, and then I’m like shocked that my husband isn’t going according to plan.

Right. And I realize, [00:32:00] yeah. We’ve had mul many conversations where he’s like, Michelle, you did not tell me that. I was like, yeah. Oh. That was the conversation I had with myself. Yeah. You know, on that accord when it was actually my son, when he was the one that is now a junior in high school, when he was in fourth grade he was the one that approached me about homeschooling Really?

And I said to him, I was like, oh honey, well that’s just not. That’s just not how our family does it. And I went to bed that night and I felt so convicted for a week. I was like, I’m not gonna mention anything to my husband because he’s gonna agree with me that that’s not the best path forward. Uhhuh.

And so I went to, I, you know, I played that whole scenario in my head and the conversation with how he was gonna say, no, Makayla, that’s, you know, he’s better off in school, blah, blah, blah. And I couldn’t sleep for a week. Like, I just felt so convicted that I dismissed my son and I wasn’t really listening to him and all, you know, the whole nine yards.

And when I brought it up to my [00:33:00] husband, he’s like, you know what, I think that’s a great idea. And I was like, what? I did not expect you to say that. And I was completely shocked. And then I was a little bit. Frustrated because I’m like, no, you’re supposed to be on my side, and why are you agreeing with our, you know, our fourth grader?

And anyways, I mean, it turned out to be the, the best scenario for our family, but it didn’t come without a lot of that. Internal turmoil that we often put ourselves through. Whereas if I had just not taken that whole week and I had gone to my husband originally and didn’t have those conversations in my head, we probably could have, you know, I, I know that I could have eased some of that stress and overwhelm and anxiety that I was causing myself.

Yeah. So, and the other thing is with the expectations, it’s not always about. Your expectation of someone else, it’s your expectations of yourself and our, the expectations we have of ourself can sometimes be on [00:34:00] such a ridiculously high level that it’s just not attainable. And so I love to challenge myself and my friends to think about what do you expect of yourself?

And if somebody else were to. Give you back all those expectations, would you think that they could handle it? And why? And a lot of times they’re like, oh yeah, because so and so has it all together. And I’m like, no, those are unrealistic. To be able to do every, all of those things in one day and keep that momentum every single day is unrealistic.

And so it’s good to kind of put yourself in that. How would I speak to someone else? Would I, would I expect someone else to be able to do all of these things? Mm-hmm. And if I don’t, then why am I expecting myself to do it? And why am I speaking to myself that way? Yeah. I gotta write that one down.

Because, yeah, ’cause it’s true. Especially like when you [00:35:00] think about what we put on ourselves during any, any sort of separation, what we put on ourselves towards even just a PCS or like, or even just the.

The daily things, but I, I think especially during the moments when it’s like, okay, well we gotta put on our military spouse super cape, and it’s like, well, does, does sup, does being a super military spouse have to mean that you do this giant long list? Or like, what I’m coming to believe is that it doesn’t, it just means that you’re focusing.

So intently on the things that your family really needs to really thrive. And I, I don’t think it’s. You know, it’s gonna look different for, but like for me that’s, that means that the dishes aren’t done every day [00:36:00] and Right. Laundry isn’t put away Right when it comes out of the laundry machine. And I know some people are like, no, but cleaning’s my thing.

And it’s like, that’s great. Mm-hmm. That’s why it works for you and it’s important to you. But for me, that doesn’t fill me up. But what does fill me up is to make sure that we get outside and we walk and that mm-hmm. I garden and that we, read scriptures as a family, like if those things are done and I’ve exercised, then I’m like, I’m good.

And everything else is a bonus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yet, but, but I’ve been in those separations where it’s like, no, no, no. I have to do everything. And it’s, yeah, we just have to check our own expectations because it’s normally not realistic and we wouldn’t, we wouldn’t hand that off. A friend. I like that, that metaphor and visual.

Yeah. Like I would never look at you, Michelle, and say you know what Michelle, I [00:37:00] think that you need to have all your laundry done every single day. That includes bedsheets, towels. Mm-hmm. You know, everything else that your kitchen needs to be spotless. That you need to get your kids outside, that you need to homeschool them for four hours a day.

You need to. Make sure that you have time in the evenings to read scriptures. Like I would never sit there and say, you have to do all these things every day. Yeah. And so therefore. Why am I telling myself I need to do all those things? And I, the things that I li listed off are things that I typically try to tell myself.

You know, that, that I get caught up in that. Yeah, this is what it needs to look like. But the other thing, the other important thing is that life is full of seasons. And I, I don’t, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never, you know, I, my, because we’re constantly transitioning and moving no two seasons look the same.

Mm-hmm. And you know, when I, now that I have two teenagers and an elementary school kid, like, things look very [00:38:00] differently now. You know, now that I have a son that’s able to drive, you know, so everything is constantly evolving and changing and there’s, it’s. It’s about being able to flow through those transitions without it being like slapping you in the face every time.

That’s a good, that’s a good way. That’s a good way to think about it. I love it. Last question. What is your key to thriving that you wanna share with your fellow waiting warriors? My key to thriving would be not being afraid to reach out, whether it’s for mental health, whether if you’re struggling if you have a, a win, you wanna share with people if you just, whatever it is that you [00:39:00] need, don’t be afraid to reach out for too many years.

I was so scared of asking for help. Mm-hmm. And I have come to realize in my 40 years of life, ’cause I just had a 40th birthday that reaching out is actually honoring to both me and to the people I’m reaching out to. Mm-hmm. And if they don’t wanna help me, then they’re not the right person. Yeah, yeah.

You know, they’re not the right, they’re not the, they’re not my person. They’re not the right person to have around me. Yeah. Which is interesting because I, at least before I’m, I’m learning this lesson, but I used to think it’s like if they denied the help or turned it down, then that meant that I didn’t, I didn’t actually need the help.

But it’s not, they’re just well, and they might not be in the season two help you, and that’s okay. You find someone else, you know, but the key is when you reach out, it invites somebody else [00:40:00] to be able to reach out to. And so if we as military spouses and waiting warriors, just be honest with one another, then I think we’ll start seeing some healthier conversations and some healthier healthier people all around if we can just speak truth and honest and be open with one another.

Yeah. Which is why I love this podcast. Yeah. What we’re trying to do, like we, we just don’t have to. Pretend with each other. We just don’t. And it, because it doesn’t actually get us where we want to be. Exactly. It didn’t get me where I wanted to be, so love it. Thank you so much for coming on the show. If somebody wants to connect with you, and I know you shared a lot of your life coaching tools, if people are interested in that and learning more, what’s the best way for them to connect with you?

Well, I feel like I’m all over the place on all different platforms, but I do hang out [00:41:00] on Instagram, so my Instagram handle is honest Talk with two ts. Honest Talk International. Mm-hmm. That’s same for Facebook. I have a Facebook page. My website is www.honesttalkinternational.com, and I’m super excited because as of today, I am opening up a group coaching community.

And it is for you to come and have a power hour each week where you can get your priorities for the week, and set out your goals, action steps. Look at those obstacles that might get in your way and have a plan to overcome them. And you get to do it in a community of like-minded people that want to connect, relate, and encourage one another.

Awesome. That sounds like something a lot of us could use. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. Guys, make sure you reach out. I [00:42:00] almost said Mikayla. It’s okay. It’s my cousin’s name. It’s, but like she spells it the same way you guys cheat. I know. I, I answer to anything that sounds similar.

My Kate Ma. Kyla. Ma. Kyla. Yes. Mikayla is my cousin, ma Kyla. See, that’s not that, it’s too close. If you wanna reach out to her, please do so. Say thank you. I know I have like a whole bunch of notes and one I cheat because I like to share the podcast takeaways, but also it’s just good stuff to be thinking about and hopefully, yeah, all you waiting warriors out there are.

Thinking about ways we can handle these uncertainties and process this life better. And remember, sorry that was a tongue. So thank you for coming on the show. And remember waiting warriors just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean it has to [00:43:00] be miserable. Have a good week guys. Thanks again. Thanks for having me.

All of you waiting warriors know that life as a military spouse can be unpredictable. So it’s easy to think that when it comes to our aspirations and dreams, you have to wait, but it doesn’t have to be like that. National University is a veteran founded nonprofit university that is firmly committed to helping military dependents.

Not only are there programs flexible, so you can time your assignments around things like deployments, PCSs, all the other crazy things. They have a scholarship just for military spouses. Use the link in the podcast summary or over on my Instagram bio to learn more about the Whisper Military Spouse Scholarship and the other options they have for tuition reduction for military spouses that could result in zero out-of-pocket educational costs at National University.